I’ve been thinking lately about what my plans are for my transition, and specifically about how they’ve changed over the past three or so years since I started identifying as transgender. So now I’m going to write about it and force you all to think about it, too. Merry belated Christmas.
As I’ve probably alluded to before in other posts, I’m an incredibly oblivious person, especially when it involves myself. The fact that I can exhibit any amount of personal insight and write this astounds me. So it should come as no surprise that when I started questioning myself and my gender identity, back around Christmastime of 2009, I had absolutely no plans for transitioning. I didn’t even see myself as transgender, to be honest. I just thought there was something wrong with me that required psychological attention.
So then I start therapy around April or May of 2010, and I went into the appointments understanding that my therapist specialized in sexual and gender identity issues. But I still had no intention of transitioning. Fast forward to Germany later that year, and by the time Christmas rolled around again I finally started identifying as trans. So far, so good. But I was solidly convinced that I would never take hormones, and instead I chose to focus my efforts on top surgery. This remained the case until I returned back home to Minnesota, when my therapist pointed out to me that, typically, surgery took place after hormone replacement therapy.
By the time Christmas of 2011 took place I was walking a very thin line between identities and plans for transition. I knew for sure that I wanted top surgery, but hormones and other potential surgeries were still up in the air. To top things off, I had started to question my previous identity of being gender-neutral; could I possibly be FTM? I still wasn’t ready to make this leap, but through therapy and much angst on my end of things, I determined that hormones was something I needed to seriously consider utilizing. And finally, on September 12th, 2012, I started on testosterone.
I breathed a sigh of relief on that day. I’ve been pretty relaxed about transition since that point, since it honestly gave me the chance to sit back and let things progress at their natural pace. At this point I anticipate being on hormones for the long haul, but that doesn’t mean that my transition is anywhere close to being over. I’ll be working on my legal name change by the end of this month, and one of my New Year’s resolutions to myself is to figure out when I’ll be having top surgery done. So where does this leave my blog? Right here, of course! I’ll be documenting changes and big news here, as per usual. Be prepared to follow along for the ride.