So with my mostly full embracing of transition, I’ve been doing some sporadic thinking (oh no, the horror!). Part of this comes from the fact that I recently burned half of my hand while hurriedly making tea before class. I expected my hand to be horribly disfigured for the rest of my pitiful existence, but miraculously it’s been 2.5 weeks and my hand is looking pretty dang good. I’m not even sure I’ll have visible scarring from where the blisters formed, popped, and tore the skin off of my poor injured hand.
Which led me to thinking about top surgery, as I do. I’ve toyed with what type of top surgery I would want. Of course, the eventuality of going on Testosterone by the end of this semester (oh yeah, more on that later) will, of course, play a role in how much breast tissue and stuff will be removed come surgery day. However, my “good scarring” abilities have gotten me to thinking. Because I’ve seen MANY pictures of post-op chests, both keyhole and double mastectomy, in my anxiety-driven scouring of Transbucket. And a lot of the results I’ve seen have looked spectacular, again both for keyhole and double mastectomy.
I’ve done my research and I know that keyhole procedures work well for smaller-chested people like myself, and a benefit of it is that there is minimal scarring. These are all good incentives, but some drawbacks are that, in most cases, a revision is needed to either remove excess tissue or to shave the nipple stalks, which is typically not done when removing breast tissue for fear of losing the nipples. Plus, a more male-contoured chest is not necessarily (if at all) accomplished. Not that I want to be über-man Stef, but I’d like a semi-passable chest if at all possible. So then considering I scar so well, I thought maybe I would instead take my chances with double mastectomy. It might lead to results I’d prefer, I feel.
So that being said, two more quick things to note are my “name change” and my new transitional schedule. Starting with the latter point, I was talking with my gender therapist and she’d been thinking (oh no, her too!!) since our last session. She figured that, just assuming I get into grad school, if I planned on staying the summer at home (which I do), that it might make the most sense to start on T immediately following graduation from undergraduate school. Then I’d have three or so months to get used to changes and see how it goes, and as an added bonus my family would have that time to slowly get used to things as well. I thought this was an awesome idea, so that’s my tentative transition schedule. I’m waiting on top surgery until I see how it goes on T, and so I just have between now and the end of April to attend the requisite doctors appointments.
And now my name change. I haven’t officially, legally changed it. Just via Facebook, which of course means it’s legitimate. But in all seriousness, I have been switching over everything to Stef versus Steph, because to me “Stef” is more neutral or masculine than the original spelling. Plus, it was time for a change. So there you have it. My middle name is still in progress, although I’m thinking it will be some variation of Micah (possibly Mica, since I’m a huge mineralology geek).
That is all, and now off to class. Hope everyone’s doing well.